For 3 hours once a month I visit the Hampshire Police Custody Suite in Portsmouth as a voluntary independent auditor to ensure that detainees are being treated properly. Today was my January 2025 visit. If you’ve watched 24 Hours in Police Custody or you’ve had the pleasure of visiting a police cell in the last few years then you’ll have some idea about how things work. Reassuringly it’s not like The Sweeney or Life on Mars!

As an Independent Custody Visitor I spend time with detainees and Custody Officers checking that all is in accordance with the law and that detainees are dealt with appropriately - in short being treated in the way you would hope to be treated if you have the misfortune of being detained.

Independent Custody Visitors are vetted and trained to carry out the role and according to the official bumf are normal members of the public - clearly I managed to act sufficiently normal to get through the vetting process!

I’ve shared my official portrait and a photo of the Eastern Police Investigation Centre where you would probably end up if you’re arrested in Portsmouth. Understandably I didn’t take any photos from inside the building!